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  • 19 Feb 2010

    It's hard to know where to begin

    Ever since my gay Donal pointed me in the direction of Crystal Swing, I've been... speechless. There is so much to say, and yet it's hard to know where to start.

    But I will start by saying that, despite appearances, I am a culchie through and through, born and bred in Co Mayo, where the Irish country music scene is part of the background. Brendan Bowyer, Circle C, Big Tom... these are names that are as familiar to me as Madonna or Kylie. And yet, somehow, the world of Crystal Swing remains as arcane to me as a masonic lodge. Their amazing website is like a window into another world, that is at once familiar, and at the same time, as foreign as Mars.

    But there's no point in me even trying to describe Crystal Swing. I can't possibly do them justice. What could I possibly say that could even come close to describing for you their awesomeness? I'm not even sure the words exist. At times like this, English seems like an impoverished language, lacking the kind of adjectives and superlatives that would be necessary. Is there another language that could be used to describe them with justice? German, with it's compound adjectives? Italian, with it's descriptive passion? The clicking of the Kalahari bush men? I doubt it...

    How to describe this mother/daughter/son trio? How to convey the awkwardness of the lascivious glances between family members? The delicacy of the keyboard playing? The energy of the performance? The lustiness of the lyrics as sung by brother and sister?

    Perhaps this quote from the "What The Stars Say" section of their website is as close as anyone can get to summing up Crystal Swing.

    What can I possibly say about Crystal Swing that hasn't been said already?

    I first met Mary Murray-Burke two years ago, at a tea dance for Active Retirement members in Midleton, performing alongside her son, Derek for the assembled crowd.

    And this should tell you everything you need to know about Crystal Swing.

    Or perhaps this one:

    thanks for the great backing and accompaniment to my singing. You made it very easy for me. You provide great music for dancing. The crowd really got involved.

    Fr. Donal Leahy
    PP, Kilworth, Co. Cork and
    Star of the Holy Show

    Anyway, you must check out their website, in detail. Really. You won't be disappointed. But first, enjoy their performance of He Drinks Tequila. Turn up the volume. Live it!

    The video has been up for quite a while and yet has only 200 views. Gays, this is not right. It is our gay responsibility to bring the joy of Crystal swing to the world! Go forth and multiply it!

    And let me leave you with a couple of questions.

    Did you know there was a "Rural TV" channel on Sky? I did not know that. I feel cheated by NTL. I'm going to immediately change cable supplier.

    And lastly… Should I book Crystal Swing for Pantibar? I think I should. Wouldn't you just die to see them live? If you think I should book them, leave a comment.

    UPDATE: Oh my Good Dolly! I've broken Crystal Swing! They've made their video 'private'! Whaaaaat? Noooooo!!! What have I done? Whyyyyy???!!!

    Well, even though it's by FAR their best one, if you click through to YouTube you can see other ones. Not as amazing as He Drinks Tequila, but still...

    UPDATE 2: And they're back! Thanks to some hard working nerd, the music hasn't died after all.

     

    music | performance | art | really?

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    • Posted By phrage frenta 20 Apr 2010 06:13

      the dad is buried under the patio and the mother used to sell fish to sailors -the son is like the cheesy wedding singer from the commitments and the girl is an ex special olympics star ---bualadh trolley bus all round the pebble dashed bungalows

    • Posted By J-Lo 06 Mar 2010 18:27

      Crystal swing v's paul van dyke!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWjMa0T97gk

    • Posted By NIck 20 Feb 2010 14:13

      They are fab and clearly making a living, those white suits don't come cheap, I better search through my back issues of Ireland's Own and the RTÉ Guide to see what part of middle Ireland I missed lately.

      Link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTOtmtHnefM&feature=related

    • Posted By Mick 20 Feb 2010 01:34

      It's depressing to be honest - that daughter is clearly not playing with a full deck...

    • Posted By A 19 Feb 2010 21:13

      Definitely book them. We will all lessers lives without seeing this live.

    • Posted By Mark 19 Feb 2010 20:32

      I can't unsee this. I hate you for posting this. OW. It's so wrong. If you book them, I may have to bring matches.

    • Posted By Dermod 19 Feb 2010 19:51

      Book em.

      Link http://www.crystalswing.com/Assets/flash/Movie2.swf

    • Posted By Cathal 19 Feb 2010 18:45

      it's the eyes that freak me out or is it the eyebrows.

    • Posted By Lin 19 Feb 2010 18:38

      Book them Book them! That's so disturbingly wonderful!

    • Posted By Aaron 19 Feb 2010 18:18

      "Congrats on your new website. It's absolutely super. Congrats also on your new CD. Well done to all. Pat Daly, Country Sound." hahaha

    • Posted By Emmett 19 Feb 2010 17:49

      Yes please!!

    • Posted By Saint 19 Feb 2010 17:16

      You couldn't make it up. I love them

    • Posted By Toast 19 Feb 2010 16:48

      Book them now even though I am a little bit scared of them!!

    • Posted By gerry m 19 Feb 2010 16:28

      oh sweet holy hand of divine lantern lamb of god son of the holy trinity jaysus where did they come out of ?

    • Posted By Pete 19 Feb 2010 16:27

      Mary is a saucy minx: "She insists on good performance....and value for money for her clients" A champion of the people.

      Link http://www.crystalswing.com/about.html

    • Posted By DWV 19 Feb 2010 16:13

      Equally hilarious and disturbing.

    • Posted By Niall 19 Feb 2010 15:24

      This is possibly the greatest thing I've ever seen.

      Link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjzEV7tqGTM

    • Posted By @patireland 19 Feb 2010 15:21

      Oh my! They need to be booked now!!!!

    • Posted By brian 19 Feb 2010 15:15

      hot mother, shame about the son

    • Posted By Bryan 19 Feb 2010 15:05

      Amazing...except for the mother miming on the keyboard...10 points!!!!

    • Posted By martin 19 Feb 2010 14:56

      i wanna see crystal meth swing live!

    • Posted By Ianyb 19 Feb 2010 14:47

      My foot was tapping under my desk there - I'd quite enjoy it! :-)

    • Posted By Tony 19 Feb 2010 14:47

      Is Christine Baranski their mother?

      Link http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1540656896/nm0004724

    • Posted By lisa 19 Feb 2010 14:45

      book em, book em, book em!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Posted By FW 19 Feb 2010 14:37

      You must book them. Then you must interview them separately until one them cracks and tells you what really goes on behind the scenes. And it won't be Mammy.

    • Posted By Gavin 19 Feb 2010 14:34

      Pleaaaaase book them. I love the interview with Mary on 'CRY'- John Russell is so hot for her...

    • Posted By Bee 19 Feb 2010 14:33

      Oh my God, do it! Seriously, piss take or not, DO IT!!!

    • Posted By Jacq 19 Feb 2010 14:18

      Ok, I'm genuinely begging you to tell me this is a piss take.... However if it's not I'm also begging you to get them into the bar!

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